Closing infertility.....opening adoption

IVF I guess was the obvious next step for us. I wanted to give Kyle a biological child of his own. With 2 rounds of failed hormone treatment and 2 rounds of failed IUI, IVF was the next option... So why did it feel so wrong.

IVF has always felt wrong for me. I could never picture myself going through that process.. In fact, I could never picture myself pregnant... I can most definitely picture myself a mom, but not pregnant. I always have dreams where a baby or child randomly shows up and I am mom. I have had a total of 2 dream saw where I was pregnant and both ended badly.. I have felt for a while now that I was meant to adopt, but I felt like I owed it to Kyle to try anything possible to give him a biological child. Even though IVF didn't feel right for me, I decided to try for Kyle. 

I told Kyle that I called the clinic and told them we were done with IUI and decided to go to an facility that offers IVF. His reaction was a surprise to me. He. Told me that he didn't think. IVF was good idea. The success rate is only 46% and the cost is huge for pretty much a 50/50 chance. He felt that adoption was a wiser choice. Yes, it is a little more expensive. But, adoption just felt right. These words instantly lifted the burden off of my shoulders. A weight was lifted and I felt relieved. I wasn't going to have to out my body through the torture of intense hormones. I wasn't going to have to go through a procedure that didn't feel right for me. 

Adoption. Something I never saw coming... But at the same time feels like this has been the plan the whole time. Adoption. This feels right...

We started the process today. We signed up for our first adoption seminar and have narrowed down our choices of agencies. I am so excited for this next chapter in our life.

Our infertility journey

Being a mom has always been a dream of mine. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always a mom. When I met Kyle, at 15 years old, we talked about getting married and having kids. It was something we both wanted very much. We wanted everything to be perfect for when we started our family, own a house, stable carreers, a few years of marriage under our belt. A year and a half into our marriage we decided to start trying. We had absolutely no success and my inconsistent periods were making things difficult to track. After trying for 6 months, we looked into holistic fertility treatments. I did fertility acupuncture paired with herbal remedies for about a year. While the acupuncture helped regulate my cycle, we still did not conceive. In march 2013, we decided to go to the fertility clinic and find out what is going on. After a month of testing we were told that my husband has super sperm and that I had constricted tunes and a hormonal deficiency that didn't allow me to ovulate. With 2 diagnosises under my belt, we decided to move forward with treatment. We did a round of clomid with a hcg trigger shot.. Developed 4 mature eggs on my right ovary..we did not conceive... Went back for an ultrasound and found out that there was a cyst in my ovary (common side effect to fertility medications). I was put on birth control for a couple weeks and told to return to check and see if the cyst was gone. When I went back in, I was told that the cyst had collapsed and we could move forward. Another round of clomid and hcg. No eggs produced. Took medication to induce my period. Was my period returned, we tried another cycle this time they increased my dosage and added menopur to help mature my eggs. 3 eggs on my right ovary. Did not conceive. Went back in for another ultrasound and found out that I had a HUGE cyst in my right ovary. Went back on birth control and returned a few weeks later and was told my cyst completely disappeared. At this appointment I was told that they have been monitoring my left ovary, in hopes that the fertility medication would stimulate my left ovary and make it grow. My left ovar was just over a cm big.. About a fourth of the size of my right ovary. I was told that this could mean that I have a poor egg reserve in my left ovary and that my chances of producing an egg on my left side. I was devastated. Now with another diagnosis going against me, we decided to look at our options. We decided on one more round of IUI and then if that didn't work.. We would take a break and save up for IVF. So we started another cycle. Another round of high dose clomid, menopur, and hcg trigger shot. One beautiful, healthy, 22mm mature egg on my left side. MIRACLE,, this cycle felt right.. This was it! Only it wasn't... Another failed cycle under our belt and we were devastated. I called the clinic and told them we were done trying and requested my medical records so we could go to the IVF specialist. 

Next stepping... IVF..